thank God for service today!

i think i internalise pain rather well. haha!
or rather i guess God is just so willing to share my burden


i had time to think the implications of my results through.
well i want to enter FASS to read psychology, but last year's cutoff was BBC. i'm BCC, which is a grade away, so... pretty uncertain if i can get in

so if you have better than BCC please MIGRATE! or enter SMU/NTU :D
haha... half joking la, but i guess if God approves of me taking that route, then there'll be a place there for me for sure



right now i can only see many doors closing, but hopefully i'll see which doors are being opened right now.



as to why God gave me these grades, i have a few theories

1) make me realise that i should work harder. i'm a slacker! serious. i slacked my way through secondary school and j1, and only starting working harder in j2. pretty late i guess. and i have been hearing alot of "no one cares about your A level results once you enter uni" so that's a consolation
the point i'm trying to make is that it is better for me to suffer a setback and buck up now, rather than later

2)i have been mulling over this for awhile, and i think i'll just write this down. perhaps i'm on a wrong academic path. i think that i'm an arts student. seriously. i never enjoyed studying sciences, and i knew this since secondary school. but my dad refused to let me enter arts stream, cause he feels that i would lose many career prospects. back then i didn't have much of a voice, so i just went with the flow. was it a mistake? i don't know. but i know that social sciences and arts interest me way alot more than science.

3)by getting these results, it would mean that science modules are closed to me. modules such as engineering, accountancy, dentistry, etc. and i think that the doors are being closed for my benefit, lest my dad somehow psychos me into taking a science major again. i would be able to pursue what i enjoy

4)i think that my hurt resulting from my grades would prime me for the future. in the case that i do become a psychologist, i believe that the more hurts, the better. psychologists DO need to empathise with people! it won't do to have a student depressed about poor results come talk to me, then see my straight As cert hanging on the wall right? it boils down to empathy.

5)what i am interested in in the future does not really rely on good grades. i think that i have a calling to enter teaching. especially primary school and lower. because i believe that younger kids have so much potential, and being a teacher to these young ones would mean that you play a nurturing role, rather than sec/jc where a teacher's role is more to educate and equip with skills. NURTURING IS SO IMPORTANT, this really tugs at my heartstrings

6)it made me broaden my perspective. what if God doesn't want me to serve in Singapore? previously my mindset has been pretty myopic. just teach in a local primary school for a good part of life. what if i'm called to do missionary work (with kids, hopefully :DD) overseas in, say Africa? it excites me! really and this came to me only recently, upon reflections.

in any case, i'm not that worried about my future. i believe that there are more important things in life besides grades (and i'm not saying this from a sour grapes perspective)


i am rather sad that i have disappointed some people though.
i feel like i let down my parents, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ.
and i can't shake the feeling that i let God down too. i mean, people will tell me that it's not true, and i know that it's not true too. but.. i don't have that heart knowledge i guess


food for thought: how can getting bad grades be God glorifying? and why does God close doors? can't He lead us and still let the doors remain open?


i don't dare to sign on msn, do sms me if you need me :)