i am one year old as of today!!
(spiritual birthday)

:D

ahhh im very happy now!!!

haha, alot of people sending me their love, care and concern.

i realised that i missed out the USHER team in my last words!!!


USHERS
i love every single one of you leh! i really really learnt the what it means to serve with a spirit of excellence. others may view our ministry as a sidelined one, but we know that we are serving God regardless!!! and we are making a difference no matter what. jiayou with serving, i'll seriously miss all your company, and i'll miss serving with the team too. GO!!! :D

i chickened out of cutting my hair...

haha... okay la for economic reasons, and also i'm worried that i'll be very emo before i even enlist. i hoping that once i step onto that island which must not be named, i'll be filled with vigour and be able to handle anything! including losing my hair.


i think hair gives a sense of security for me, cause my fringe can cover my face. well forehead only, but it's like 1/4 of the face :P

oh!! my handphone number is 96365034!!


-anticipates many encouraging smses-
:D
oh ya! i'll do my best to reply all sms-es, but it may be pretty erratic :) phone batt please last super long please~



this is possibly my last post, so my last words!

i'm quite sad that i can't attend ESS. can't watch raphael dance!!!! gah. maybe watching my shepherd dance a couple dance with another CL will make me backslide, so God's exempting me from ESS :P

NO LA kidding! jiayou dancing if you do see this raphael :)
dance till your pants fall off!



HWACHONG CG
i'll miss you i'll miss you i'll miss you i'll miss you i'll miss you!!!
better grow while i'm gone okay. please bring new life into the care group! i wanna see many healthy spiritual babies when i come back out :) you guys can do it! i'm certain of it. i see so much potential in every single one of you, it awes me when i realise that i had the privilege to be part of this care group.

everyone, walk close to God k? or i'll come back from the island that must not be named and shoot you with my new rifle :P


JCcentral
i'll miss you guys alot too!!!! :(
thanks for a super super fun 1 year of my christian life :) everyone contributed to the strong bond i feel in this unit, and i'm sure that this group will grow to be immensely attractive :D ah remember BRA!
biblical, relevent, attractive!
erk discipleship that flows down from xiangyu is like that de. :P


all other friends!!!
i'll do my best in maintaining contact! i'm sure that i'll remain close friends with some of you :D and i look forward to when we are in UNI together! yup yup the future keeps me going strong even if NS turns out disastrous. hah. oh wait no i expect that it'll be a wonderful journey!!! that was an 'if' :P



farewell, keep me in your prayers!
pray that i won't stop praying in NS

OKAY!

i have finished buying all my stuff.
most things settled already

why do i feel like i'm going to die tomorrow!?


gah.


k it's just me and my nerves.
but i need to thank GOD for many people!

yinghan for meeting me on wed
jonathan, melvin and jiexun for accompanying me to army market!
i ran out of money cause i didn't anticipate that army stuff would cost so much. haha! wanted to treat drinks, then no money so malu. ended up they treat me HAHA argh. -dies-
many many people for msn-ing and sms-ing me tips, encouragements etc :)
raphael for meeting me later. he's gonna watch as i cut my hair. i wonder if i'll start tearing as the hair falls. >_>
wa wa and some people are sending me off tomorrow too i think! i'm really quite touched, cause i think i won't have the.. devotion to travel all the way down just to see someone for a short while.

wa i feel so loved. :D


k although i terrified by NS, i think God+ people will sustain me through!

if you're reading this, do pray for me!!
sms me encouraging sms-es, worship lyrics, what you learnt recently from QT, anything spiritual at all okay!
remind me of my identity, cause i'm afraid that i'll forget who i am.

sms me maybe next friday? haha that'll be when i'm 1/2way through confinement. most likely will be chui :P

thank you!!! i hope my spare imitation phone battery doesn't die or explode my handphone.

NS WILL BE A JOYFUL JOURNEY AMEN? :)




p.s. downloading hillsong albums to put into my phone hehehe.

sometimes i think i have very simple faith

which is why i have trouble communicating to others why i believe in God, why i became a christian and all.

i just can't explain it! and when i tell others that it's faith, they give me a look then say that that's such a typical christian answer


haha! but.. how do you explain something that is so much more than words?


i believe in very innocent things sometimes.


when i'm feeling very stressed and troubled, and i try to call someone and that person doesn't pick up, i believe that God has faith in me, that i am equipped to handle this situation i'm in.

or when i am evaxing at schools, to no results whatsoever, i believe that God values my efforts above everything else. and that keeps me going even if i don't see fruits.

i believe that all the scars and hurts that i'm going true will serve a greater purpose in the future. i don't know what, but i believe that these things don't happen for no reason or by chance. i'm not being a sadist, but i am truly learning to rejoice in my sufferings!


i believe in many things, and i believe the most in God.

it's not that i reject anything that goes against my faith. i do ponder sometimes, if God is real, is what i'm doing worth it. but normally, these serve to reinforce my faith further. and sometimes when i don't get an answer out of these questions, it doesn't affect me. why? i can't explain :)



haha, very new believer faith isn't it? i hope that this isn't just a phase of faith, because this is keeping me strong for now. i hope to have this childlike faith throughout eternity!!


wanna encourage you to listen to this song :) the song only starts a few seconds after, and it may load slow, but it's a wonderful song
if you aren't a believer, you may feel uncomfortable at atound 9 minutes in, but i hope that your heart will be open and touched by the song :D

First - City Harvest Church

First.

I love because you first loved me
I live because of what you gave
You died,
showed me how to live
Your mercy taught me to forgive

You came and poured yourself so free
Your blood washed away my sin
And now i can live again
Im more of you and less of me

My first love, forever you will be
My first breath, you're the life in me
My first joy, the world can never take from me
My covenant with you
Jesus

Your Love falls down (x3)
Over me

the perfect cut 2 has moral of the story de!!!

i quite like the show :)

today it was talking about encouragements vs. attacks.

[1 Thessalonians 5:11a]
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up

ahh i'm really quite heartened that people do read my blog :)

well it's been finalised that i'm entering pulau tekong on friday!
dum dum dummmmmmmmm
haha.. can i say that i feel very uneasy? gah

okay, my main issues with NS is simply, the physical aspects!
PT, exercise, IPPT, etc
if you don't already know, I AM SUPER UNFIT
flabby boy
flabby boy
flabby boy
flabby boy
flabby boy

>___<

haha plus i'm super unprepared. haven't bought ANYTHING, which should hopefully be rectified by tomorrow (intensive shopping!)
the gen acts NS guys will be bringing me to army market :)

okay la, i have sorta resigned to my fate already. haha! shall look to the positive!
you will see a less flabby kenny in the future :P

i'm still undecided as to whether i should cut my hair before friday. my rationale for not cutting is that i won't feel so weird when i cut inside, cause anyway everybody is gonna have the same hairstyle. whereas if i cut now, together with my new thick black specs, it'll be screaming "I AM NS GUY"

-shudder-

kenny is going to be a NS man soon

wah i'm really dwelling on this!!


haha well i felt very ministered to today, from care group worship to dawn chatting with me :D

friendly reminder: please pray for me, and sms me encouraging smses from friday onwards k! i'll be confined for 2 weeks, so i'll hugely appreciate it. thanks! :D

it's the little things that count!

i am fretting over transport expenses!

i topped up $10 on saturday and it's practically all gone within 3 days

hrmph but it's an exception this time i think.
made many trips over the weekend!

but today was the frustrating!!!
went all the way down to CMPB, then arrived 15 minutes late, and the medical officer refused to see me.
have to go all the way down tmr again >_>
gah the journey involves 3 different buses and around 70 minutes!

have to wake up at 8am tmr nooooooooooooooooooooooo


had father's birthday dinner just now. good foods!!
but i'm super super stuffed now. couldn't even eat my turtle jelly (guilinggao)

i realised that my dad, sis and brother are all super good conversationalists..
they strike up conversations easily and people are compelled to join in. and they have easy laughter which eases awkward situations/ silence.
i am lacking that particular gene!!!

ah i'm quite incoherent, cause i'm tired. haha off to watch the perfect cut!

thank God for service today!

i think i internalise pain rather well. haha!
or rather i guess God is just so willing to share my burden


i had time to think the implications of my results through.
well i want to enter FASS to read psychology, but last year's cutoff was BBC. i'm BCC, which is a grade away, so... pretty uncertain if i can get in

so if you have better than BCC please MIGRATE! or enter SMU/NTU :D
haha... half joking la, but i guess if God approves of me taking that route, then there'll be a place there for me for sure



right now i can only see many doors closing, but hopefully i'll see which doors are being opened right now.



as to why God gave me these grades, i have a few theories

1) make me realise that i should work harder. i'm a slacker! serious. i slacked my way through secondary school and j1, and only starting working harder in j2. pretty late i guess. and i have been hearing alot of "no one cares about your A level results once you enter uni" so that's a consolation
the point i'm trying to make is that it is better for me to suffer a setback and buck up now, rather than later

2)i have been mulling over this for awhile, and i think i'll just write this down. perhaps i'm on a wrong academic path. i think that i'm an arts student. seriously. i never enjoyed studying sciences, and i knew this since secondary school. but my dad refused to let me enter arts stream, cause he feels that i would lose many career prospects. back then i didn't have much of a voice, so i just went with the flow. was it a mistake? i don't know. but i know that social sciences and arts interest me way alot more than science.

3)by getting these results, it would mean that science modules are closed to me. modules such as engineering, accountancy, dentistry, etc. and i think that the doors are being closed for my benefit, lest my dad somehow psychos me into taking a science major again. i would be able to pursue what i enjoy

4)i think that my hurt resulting from my grades would prime me for the future. in the case that i do become a psychologist, i believe that the more hurts, the better. psychologists DO need to empathise with people! it won't do to have a student depressed about poor results come talk to me, then see my straight As cert hanging on the wall right? it boils down to empathy.

5)what i am interested in in the future does not really rely on good grades. i think that i have a calling to enter teaching. especially primary school and lower. because i believe that younger kids have so much potential, and being a teacher to these young ones would mean that you play a nurturing role, rather than sec/jc where a teacher's role is more to educate and equip with skills. NURTURING IS SO IMPORTANT, this really tugs at my heartstrings

6)it made me broaden my perspective. what if God doesn't want me to serve in Singapore? previously my mindset has been pretty myopic. just teach in a local primary school for a good part of life. what if i'm called to do missionary work (with kids, hopefully :DD) overseas in, say Africa? it excites me! really and this came to me only recently, upon reflections.

in any case, i'm not that worried about my future. i believe that there are more important things in life besides grades (and i'm not saying this from a sour grapes perspective)


i am rather sad that i have disappointed some people though.
i feel like i let down my parents, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ.
and i can't shake the feeling that i let God down too. i mean, people will tell me that it's not true, and i know that it's not true too. but.. i don't have that heart knowledge i guess


food for thought: how can getting bad grades be God glorifying? and why does God close doors? can't He lead us and still let the doors remain open?


i don't dare to sign on msn, do sms me if you need me :)

k A level results

i switched off my handphone and just slept at home because i was very tired of all the smses coming in, asking me how i did and how i am.
but time to stop escaping, and just get it over with

i didn't do very well.
in fact alot worse than the average hwachong student
H2s - Maths B, Chem C, Physics C
H1s - Econs A, GP B

yup, pretty lousy eh


thanks for everyone's concern, but i think i need time alone to heal.
a wound cant heal if the bandages keep being unwrapped!!

i believe that i'll be okay soon! so don't worry heh
please pray for my loved ones, the thing i'm most afraid of is that i let down people

weeeell i went to the gym today.
i think i'm gonna suffer alot in NS.

haha...

i think its very nice that everyone around you is concerned for your A lvl results, even though they aren't the ones getting it. sigh, as much as i don't want to let people down, i think that it's causing me to worry.
worry cause i have to meet people's expectations

hope that this week leading up to friday will be good. God bless us please!!


squash tmr with hccg grads :D


on a random note: a random FML from www.fmylife.com!

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said "See you in a decade." FML

HAHAHAHA oh man i feel so bad and good at the same time! reading how other people's lives are so messy, whoops me :P

hmm well i went to the hospital again today. the doctor says i have a good heart! haha "not the kind that would get heart attacks"

well but i am really unfit. shall go to the gym. i realised that the safra gym near my house has a 12 week IPPT prep program.
SIGH
i should have signed up for it in december
then i wouldn't be so unfit and anxious about NS

i think that worrying is really useless.
that being said, i think it's human to worry. even if you know that it doesn't help... haha

i think that being defensive is an extension of pride.

update update!!!

whoa God works.

James 2:2-3 (NIV)
You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives.

wa wa wa cool :) found this while on facebook. rachael's personal message! i think it relates to my previous post rather well!

new blog!! there must be a reason why so many of my leaders have blogs too, so i shall follow and see for myself :)

well i had hopekinders this morning
whoa i find it really amazing how God can touch my life. even though the teaching and everything was kid-orientated, i still gained so much from it!

what we learnt today

Matthew 7:7 (NIV)
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

hmm i was really pondering over this verse. "Ask and it will be given to you"

right now i'm really vexed over upcoming results release and all, and in relation to that, i was wondering if i asked for straight 'A's, would i get them?

alright so let's turn to other versions of the message to try to understand more. haha i really have no idea what i'm going to type next, cause i'm sincerely exploring right now at this moment.

Matthew 7:7 (The Message)
"Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in.

okay here it says ask for what we need. need... hmm do i need straight As?

well shall ponder over the two versions some more. during hopekids Isaiah knocked his head against mine rather painfully. kids have really hard heads. and i exclaimed "OW!" then he looked extremely anxious and worried (which was rather endearing cause he is 4 years old)
then he huffed his breath against the part of my head which he knocked, THEN HE SPAT SALIVA ON HIS PALM AND RUBBED IT AGAINST MY HEAD
gah, i recoiled on instinct, but i guess it's a rather sweet gesture on hindsight. must be how his family deals with injuries.


went for adult service after that. why? haha i guess i wanted to soak up more of God's presence and learn more stuff before i enlist in a short 2 weeks. stuff that will help me (i hope) in tough times ahead.

it's really cool what i learnt!
did anyone see a gigantic rainbow on wednesday???
i did! it was huge. and apparently the newspaper reported that it was so massive because there were actually TWO coinciding rainbows at that point of time. which is a rare occurrence that only happens when the light hits the rain at 50-53 degrees. it was really beautiful!
God put that rainbow there, and "it will be the sign of the covenant between [Him] and the earth."
things we know about rainbows
1) it can only happen after rain or a storm!
2) a rainbow is always in the making



it's only through tough times that things are made beautiful

oh! and during adult service i was struck by the fact that i needed to repent for being so grades-oriented. understood what fungmin meant by subtle sins being so much harder to detect and so much more dangerous.
i mean, it's not that i don't want to have good A lvl results. but if i want it to the extent that my walk with God is compromised, then there's something wrong with my heart!